expectations. did i ever tell you that this was one of my greatest problems around this time last year? i built them up like a wall around my city of little me. who would’ve known that early in 2010 i would see those walls topple and crash. the trumpets of reality struck me hard. yes, it was a very painful time for me as i had to rediscover myself; hitting reset on my mental console. but i’m glad that it happened. not because it hurt people dear to me, but because it opened my eyes. i give myself goals, not expectations. i am lucky to be where i am in life right now. were it not for the different and amazing people around me, and of course my spiritual Father above, i would not be sitting where i am. i would be lost. but i am found and i’m no longer wandering aimlessly.

so i start my new job next week. i’m tres excited. excited enough to be jumping up and down and squealing. i’m embarassed for myself. i’m just glad that i’m working again. my simple aim though is to just do my best. to be myself and to shine.

my song for the night before retiring to bed. bonne nuit ma amis.

recently i can’t stop thinking. thinking of everything. i haven’t had much insomnia since i’m so exhausted at the end of each night from thinking. but i’ve been having really crazy dreams with a lot of recurring people in them. sometimes it confuses me because i don’t usually think of these people much. not meaning that i don’t care about them though. it’s just crazy. crazy and silly.

got a busy week ahead. excited for everything. my tunes for the night.

1. lollipop – ben kweller
2. end of the road – tyler burkum
3. these photographs – joshua radin
4. hazy – rosi golan ft. william fitzsimmons

bonne nuit.

so i’ve had quite a whirlwind of a few weeks. life is slowly picking itself up as i wait patiently on the high diving board; ready to jump into the next phase of my life. with of course, precision and grace (not a belly flop). i must say that i have been quite blessed to be where i am in life right now. though i wait, i wait patiently sorting things out before i have no time at all. my bedroom has turned into a jungle of paper. my filing case is starting to look like it’s got a thousand tongues of paper ready to spew forth the truth of my non-frugal spending. sometimes i have to resist the urge of turning them all into paper hats, planes, boats, cranes and hanging them off my ceiling. not to mention i’ve bought way too many books. enough to fuel my reading for a year.

the spirit of bougeotte seems to have possessed me. i miss my long-distance friends terribly. especially my dear dear turkish brother who is heading to england to study further. also ma hbiba who is heading off to paris for grad school. i’m so proud of her! if i could i would jump on a plane right now and go on an adventure through LA, new york, miami, mexico, london, paris, berlin, and rome. better say casablanca and marrakesh too in case i get a kick. that of course is in the not-so-near future for me. one can dream though. having goals are good right?

i’ve started up my own twitter (as you can see to the right) and tumblr. just for randomness sake, keeping in touch with my overseas friends, and the tumblr for quick posts (photos quotes, and whatnot).

the more i type the more i’m squinting my eyes. i am tres fatigue. i leave you with my listening list for the night. bonne nuit.

1. we are going to be friends – the white stripes
2. home – edward sharpe & the magnetic zeros
3. new york baby – leonna naess
4. on my mind – leonna naess
5. i adore you – melpo mene

“All I’m saying is simply this, that all life is interrelated, that somehow we’re caught in an inescapable network of mutuality tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly. For some strange reason, I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. You can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality.”

— Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

“I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I’ve bought a big bat. I’m all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!” Dr. Seuss

on rotation: the only exception – paramore | leave your boyfriends behind – leona naess | miniature disasters – kt tunstall | take me away – five times august | you and i – jason mraz | if i were a painter – norah jones.